Back To Normal Life

I'm back in Germany!

Did I miss it?

Kind of.

Did I miss my family?

Yes...

Did I miss my friends?

Yes!

What's bothering me is.. Where's the snow?!

I know there may be more important things to miss, but to be honest I was really looking forward to the snow. No white Christmas unfortunately.

Anyways, a lot happened since my last Update. I left my ex host family a weak earlier. Last Wednesday we had another argument; I don't really want to tell you every detail of it, let me just say: we were both quite angry and annoyed so I decided to just stay this week, get my money and then leave them. And she agreed and said it would be the best for everybody. Apparently she didn't take me serious.. again. I left the Friday evening and stayed at Marine's house til Sunday afternoon.

The Goodbye of my ex host family was... kind of relieving but also a bit gloomy. Afer all I did spend three months with them and we had some great memories.

Marine's host mum was so nice to me, she told me I could stay and I am not bothering them and made me feel welcome.

In the evening her host mum offered us a glas of wine and we just couldn't decline that offer.

The next day, Saturday, we went to London to buy a few Christmas gifts. :) Well.. Marine still had to buy a few presents, I was already done :)

Camden Town. I've been there a few times now and I absolutely love it! We quickly found all the presents we needed (Marine..) and then went to Westfield as Marine has never been there before.

To be honest, after Camden Town we were already quite tired and exhausted and decided to grab a coffee first. So we went to Costa!

Isn't it cute?!

My little sweetie is shy... :D Don't hide Marine!

We spent a few hours in Westfield, getting lost in that huge building and buying a few things every now and then. Before it got too late we took the train back to Farnborough and tried to sleep a little bit. Well, I did but Miss I'm-hiding-behind-my-coat wouldn't let me.

Back in Marine's house, we ate some pizza and then decided to watch some movies. The first one was a scary movie called "Mama". Admittedly, it wasn't very very scary but we absolutely loved it! Afterwards, to enlighten the atmosphere we watched "High School Musical" just to sing along and then decided to watch "Ted" which is indeed funny.

The next day... was my last day in Farnborough. It was kind of hard to leave but I knew I'd come back.

I don't think I told you that I found a new host family, did I? Well, if not, now you know. They don't live very far away from Farnborough and they are very nice! I already met them a few times and we get along very well and I met them again on Sunday.

In the afternoon, I took the train to London with my suitcase and my two bags.. it was very hard, but I was so relieved when my cousins picked me up at a station in North London. 

Back in their flat we ate something and then watched some TV before we went to bed. We didn't do much.. the next day, we went out to the mall to buy a few things, then we walked around.

I don't want to go too much in detail as it wasn't very interesting but let me just tell you that I nearly missed my flight :D Something I have to mention as well is that I was seated in Business Class... hehe. It was quite fancy but I enjoyed.

I get teary eyed very quickly and at a lot of things.Things like inspirational books or movies based on true stories or how when the underdog succeeds when no one else thought it was possible. It's things like that, that make me want to cry my eyes out - happy tears!

And.. things like seeing someone you love after a long time. Seeing my family after three months was a very special moment for me. It was quite weird being in Germany, listening to everyone talking in German. I felt like I didn't belong there. But I was happy. Because I was with my beloved family.

I didn't realize how much I've missed them 'til I saw them. Suddenly my brothers were as tall as me and I felt like a baby next to them. But when we arrived at home I noticed that nothing has changed. And that gave me reassurance. Knowing that no matter what happens, you can go back to your family and nothing will have changed. 

In the next few days I visited a lot of friends and relatives. I couldn't stop smiling, I am happy and I know I will be happy when I go back to England. Because this time I will make sure that nobody will take away my happiness from me. 

♥

And I’m not
going to say
I forget;
Because I remember every day.

Every day.

- Hope Sandoval And The Warm Inventions

It's up to you.

“Alice came to a fork in the road. 'Which road do I take?' she asked.
'Where do you want to go?' responded the Cheshire Cat.
'I don't know,' Alice answered.
'Then,' said the Cat, 'it doesn't matter.” 

― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

It’s Simple…
When you don’t know where you want to go, it doesnt matter which path you choose. A definite Goal is necessary for taking decisions.

Making decisions is something i’ve always found hard, frankly, i suck at it. I never regret things, i like how unpredictable things can be but most of the time i am fully aware that there might be a chance that i’m ignoring a decision that might have taken me to a real good place, where the sky is more blue and all that. I know i’m not making a wrong decision, but you know how the grass is always greener on the other side, that’s close to how i feel.

The last few weeks have been pretty hard for me. I had to make some decisions even though I didn't really want to. But before I tell you more, let me explain you a few things.

A bad experience can always turn around.

When I first came here I was full of hope, happiness and believe. I knew it would be hard but worth it. I'd be stronger.

My hostfamily was nice to me, I quickly met new people and loved my life here. But people change; sometimes you see their true faces after a long time.

I do not feel comfortable here anymore. I don't like it here. I don't want to be here.

What is "here"?, you may ask. What is "it"?

I don't want to live with my host family anymore.

Basically they treat me more like a cleaner than an Au Pair. I don't mind cleaning but what I do mind is ordering me around and not even appreciating the help you get. An Au Pair is not a cleaner or a maid. A little help is okay, but do not expect them to clean the whole house for you. Every day. That's what my family here wants me to do. I've thought about quitting a lot. I even once talked to my host mum about it but she didn't think it was that serious. Everybody has its habits and of course it's not easy to live with them. And if you share a bathroom you should not leave your dirty underwear on the bathroom floor and expect other people to pick it up for you. This is one of the few things they did. Of course there were nice to me.. sometimes.

It's easy to be happy when everything seems to be going your way, but I think that defining happiness that way reduces it to an accident, which it is not.

Happiness doesn’t just happen.

It's actually your choice.

Some days are good, but there are probably more days that are just plain bad. Have you ever met someone who stayed positive even when they're having a bad day and everything that can go wrong seems to be going wrong? 

People who are able to smile even though the worst of times have learned a very important lesson, the same lesson I stated above: Happniess doesn't just happen.

You can choose to be happy instead of waiting around for it to suddenly appear out of nowhere one day and land in your hand.

I've learned this lesson this year. I didn't want anybody to have that effect on me. I didn't want anybody to ruin my happiness. I failed. But then I looked past these things and I had a surprisingly great time. The thing is: when you live with a family you don't feel comfortable with and you don't want to stay with, your mood will always change. I've tried; I really did. I've fought for it; I talked to them about it and explained my feelings. What do you do when they don't take you seriously? 

For me it is not giving up. It is a chapter in my life I'm willing to close. Because right now I have a choice and I decided to stay here til the winter holidays so they have enough time to find a new Au Pair and I will hopefully find a new host family. 

Happiness is choice.

I don't regret anything. I don't regret coming here and living with my current host family. I've learned a lot. I have had bad times here but they taught me to see the good things in life. There will always be a light after the dark. There is always good in every situation.

It's not an easy choice all the time and it very well may be the last thing you want to do sometimes. Sometimes you just want to sulk and stay upset, perpetuate the sadness. It's a natural response but it is not a required behaviour. Choosing to be happy will make you a better, strnger, wiser, more longsuffering person.