It's up to you.

“Alice came to a fork in the road. 'Which road do I take?' she asked.
'Where do you want to go?' responded the Cheshire Cat.
'I don't know,' Alice answered.
'Then,' said the Cat, 'it doesn't matter.” 

― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

It’s Simple…
When you don’t know where you want to go, it doesnt matter which path you choose. A definite Goal is necessary for taking decisions.

Making decisions is something i’ve always found hard, frankly, i suck at it. I never regret things, i like how unpredictable things can be but most of the time i am fully aware that there might be a chance that i’m ignoring a decision that might have taken me to a real good place, where the sky is more blue and all that. I know i’m not making a wrong decision, but you know how the grass is always greener on the other side, that’s close to how i feel.

The last few weeks have been pretty hard for me. I had to make some decisions even though I didn't really want to. But before I tell you more, let me explain you a few things.

A bad experience can always turn around.

When I first came here I was full of hope, happiness and believe. I knew it would be hard but worth it. I'd be stronger.

My hostfamily was nice to me, I quickly met new people and loved my life here. But people change; sometimes you see their true faces after a long time.

I do not feel comfortable here anymore. I don't like it here. I don't want to be here.

What is "here"?, you may ask. What is "it"?

I don't want to live with my host family anymore.

Basically they treat me more like a cleaner than an Au Pair. I don't mind cleaning but what I do mind is ordering me around and not even appreciating the help you get. An Au Pair is not a cleaner or a maid. A little help is okay, but do not expect them to clean the whole house for you. Every day. That's what my family here wants me to do. I've thought about quitting a lot. I even once talked to my host mum about it but she didn't think it was that serious. Everybody has its habits and of course it's not easy to live with them. And if you share a bathroom you should not leave your dirty underwear on the bathroom floor and expect other people to pick it up for you. This is one of the few things they did. Of course there were nice to me.. sometimes.

It's easy to be happy when everything seems to be going your way, but I think that defining happiness that way reduces it to an accident, which it is not.

Happiness doesn’t just happen.

It's actually your choice.

Some days are good, but there are probably more days that are just plain bad. Have you ever met someone who stayed positive even when they're having a bad day and everything that can go wrong seems to be going wrong? 

People who are able to smile even though the worst of times have learned a very important lesson, the same lesson I stated above: Happniess doesn't just happen.

You can choose to be happy instead of waiting around for it to suddenly appear out of nowhere one day and land in your hand.

I've learned this lesson this year. I didn't want anybody to have that effect on me. I didn't want anybody to ruin my happiness. I failed. But then I looked past these things and I had a surprisingly great time. The thing is: when you live with a family you don't feel comfortable with and you don't want to stay with, your mood will always change. I've tried; I really did. I've fought for it; I talked to them about it and explained my feelings. What do you do when they don't take you seriously? 

For me it is not giving up. It is a chapter in my life I'm willing to close. Because right now I have a choice and I decided to stay here til the winter holidays so they have enough time to find a new Au Pair and I will hopefully find a new host family. 

Happiness is choice.

I don't regret anything. I don't regret coming here and living with my current host family. I've learned a lot. I have had bad times here but they taught me to see the good things in life. There will always be a light after the dark. There is always good in every situation.

It's not an easy choice all the time and it very well may be the last thing you want to do sometimes. Sometimes you just want to sulk and stay upset, perpetuate the sadness. It's a natural response but it is not a required behaviour. Choosing to be happy will make you a better, strnger, wiser, more longsuffering person.